Greetings & Salutations

Some seven or eight years ago, I knew a couple of girls who lived in Madison Hall at ULM. To be clear, I still know both of them -- they just don't live in Madison anymore. I can't quite remember why it was decided that I should record the message on their answering machine using as many words as possible. After all, more than one memory has gone foggy in the years since leaving Monroe. However, the decision was made and the following is what you heard me say if you had the misfortune of calling when they weren't home.

"Greetings and salutations. You have reached the seasonal university dwelling of Alison Mae Rome and Nicole B. Kern. Because you have reached this automated communication-type answer device, it would be safe to deduce that they have vacated the premises to peruse social and/or academic endeavors... or are resting on their hind portions monitoring this transmission to determine the necessity of answering and or responding to it in a prompt fashion. Following this message, you shall hear an audible tone. Please speak with your given name, seven and or ten digit communications number and a one to two sentence phrase outlining the purposes of your call. After extensive review and contemplation, determination of whether to respond to your recorded message will be made. Thank you for dialing this number and have a better than average rest of the day."

Going through some old papers a few months ago, I found the notebook paper where I'd scribbled out my script. In the days before unlimited cell phone plans, it actually cost folks money to call long distance. I'm sure the phone company made a couple of dollars off the time it took to listen to me and leave "a one to two sentence phrase outlining the purposes of your call."